When it's all over, someone has to clean up

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 01:52:24 GMT

I want to sleep.

Dear Sir/Madem,

Please find enclosed my CV for the position of ASS KISSER at SOME SHITTY MILL as part of your purchasing department. I was informed of the position by one of those recruitment webshites.

As you can see from my CV I am currently working for ODEON Manchester, as a full time cast member. To be honest I hate the job and I'm sick of being on my feet all the time so have decided that office work is the way to go. At ODEON I am required to spend a great deal of time in the public eye and provide a high level of service throughout the cinema. However this tend not to be the case and I spend the majority of my time chasing scallies and watching the endings of films. It is through my time at ODEON I have realized that my talents and abilities of creative thinking and high levels of motivation are not being used to there full potential. I feel like the place is my Kubrick hotel, I mean even teh walls are red and the lifts stop working. It's only a matter of time until the fridges start to spue blood and ghosts begin to work on H+V.

I feel I should be aware that my current employers only require one weeks notice and so able to start work almost immediately. This is because they are fools and do rotas on a weekly basis to piss you off. The best bit is when you hand in your notice just as the rotas done.

As stated in your advertisement I have the required IT skills and knowledge of basic office duties. Any dip shit can file things alphabetically. I feel that my variety of experience gives me an advantage and my ability to adapt to change quickly means I'm like wonder woman only without the bondage equpiment. But if thats what you're looking for then you need to change your advertisement man!

I hope that you will look favorably on my application and that I will hear from you in the near future.

Yours faithfully

Elaine Bold

PS
I should add if you don't reply I will hunt you down and kill you. Luvz Jew

We have booked the youth hostel for new years

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 13:43:19 GMT

From Friday 30th December 2005 to Monday 2nd January 2006.

As most of you know last year we had a brilliant New Years Eve party and this year we want to make it even better! We are going to have a long weekend of FUN and GAMES, a 3 night Extravaganza!! The cost of this will be only £40 for the whole weekend that’s only £10 a day and it includes ACCOMADATION, BREAKFAST and an EVENING MEAL!! Also included in the price will be all the entertainment, (Karaoke, Parties, etc) which will take place throughout the weekend. You can bring, as much alcohol as you can possibly carry, as there will not be any on sale at the venue. There are shops very nearby if you wanted to go on a booze run. The venue will have mixed dorms, which are very well heated, and extremely modern, in a new purpose-built building for group bookings like this. See, what a wonderful place Milton Keynes is!!!!

This will be great fun and a great way for all of us to get to know each other. All of us here at Showmasters are staying there and we live in Milton Keynes! You will need to bring along your own sleeping bag/duvet and pillows. Beds are on a first come first served basis and there are 25 beds available, there are also a further 25 sleeping spaces available upstairs – a total of 50 places available altogether.

The facilities in this venue are brilliant, separate showering blocks for male and female (all showers are cubicles) also male and female toilets. A fully functional kitchen for all your catering needs, including crockery etc.

There is going to be plenty of things for you to do throughout the whole weekend, with a big fancy dress party for New Years Eve night. The theme of this party is Movie/TV, so bring a costume that relates to this! There will be a disco and Karaoke ALL NIGHT LONG, we don’t have a time limit!! As said earlier there will be plenty of things going on over the weekend such as LAZER TAG, SILLY GAMES, DRINKING GAMES, even a BONFIRE NIGHT WITH FIREWORKS. There will also be a VIDEO GAMES room, which will be projected on to the wall, LIFE SIZE VIDEO GAMES!! These are just a few things that we have planned for that weekend and are all included in the tiny sum of £40! If you have any suggestions for things to do over the weekend then please don’t be shy and email us!!!

You may bring with you a partner or friends and they also individually just pay £40 for the weekend.

We did this in Germany and it was really cool, you make friends for life. So if you want to come send us an email info@showmastersonline.com and let us know how many places you want to book. Remember there are only 50 spaces available first come first served, so book as quick as you can.

We will then send you an email to let you know if your booking has been successful and will then pass on the details of the Venue and all the other details you will need to know.

You can pay by credit card (send in 2 emails) or by sending a cheque to:

Showmasters Ltd
PO BOX 5773
Milton Keynes
MK0 1AS

We look forward to hear from you soon.

Youth Hostel and we don't want the risk of underage drinking again. When will people learn?

Showmasters deleted my first post

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 12:49:47 GMT

For prosperity

I really don't like Chair. No really I don't. Look see I said it. It didn't hurt at all. I feel better for saying it.

I really can't stand all the meeps and lolz. No really I think its f***ing immature. Oh dear lord I swore! Go on shoot me. You know you want to.

I found the whole GordanBennit post to be amusing. I nearly had a little wee wee from laughing so hard.

things that amsued me:
1, Someone who posts s***e complaining about the fact people post about things in the "wrong area"
2, the whole friends thing. QUOTES
QUOTE(porkfat @ Oct 28 2005, 04:24 PM)
QUOTE(DavidB @ Oct 28 2005, 03:22 PM)
How do you know Cher doesn't know someone called Gordan Bennit who keeps posting topics in the wrong section?! uhoh.gif
*

Don't be silly, Cher doesn't have any friends or know anybody.

rolleyes.gif
*

you lying ........ .........
she does have friends like MEEEEE

and i know for a fact shes more popular at cons than most people i know, she introduced me to other people who are now good friends of mine so you lie out your b*ckside and dont know what the frell your on about...

if you still disagree i can introduce you to a personal friend of mine...
a P-90!!!

To know someone does NOT mean you are freinds. I know many people but I would never class them as friends, I could however introduce you to them as I have met them. So if anyone ever wants introducing to Pussy galore, let me know. We're frends see as we had a conversation about P+P so we're best of friends now.

3, The whole spelling thing. It was childish. Really. But then what annoyed me was the dyslexia thing. So what I have done is create you a graph of my own personal dyslexia.
By 26 I hope to just not have the ability to spell. Mumma will be proud.

4,On the dyslexia thing, why was it that the person who DIDN'T have dyslexia have to point it out? Seriously now chair is that really politically correct to point out someone elses disability? That like someone going, "oh don't mind my son he's got downs. was born with it, nothing much we can do. Sorry"

5, Political Correctness is bulls***. If I want to call someone a retard I will. the same goes for crazy, mad, idiot, drunkard, junky and any other term any little Ms PC wants to come down on me for. I have fought the good fight for liberation and it is not won with telling people not to call people idoits because it isn't very politically correct.

Ms Pcs are the type to collect friedns like Pokemon. They have a gay one, a black one, a retarded one, a dyslexic one and the transgenders one with bad stuble.

I'm bored with this now....

Basically, grow up get a life and discover the feeling of grass between your toes. Its that green stuff incase you weren't aware.

Yup

Tue, 10 May 2005 21:58:51 GMT

Friends Only!

Now Piss Off and Leave Me Alone

Richard Whitely is ill

Tue, 10 May 2005 16:04:50 GMT

He best get better and if he doesn;t they best cancel countdown. It wouldn't be the same about it

nazi youth turned dark sith

Mon, 09 May 2005 21:31:56 GMT

the camper van tour

Sat, 07 May 2005 14:41:31 GMT

so far I shall be visiting:
Stirling
Liverpool
Leeds
St Albans
WigglesBade
Cornwall
Swansea
Reading
Newquay
Newquay (wales)
Isle of Man

If you think I should go to other places too. Tell me. I plan to do it in a big elaborate circle, so I need to plan it well in advance. Also petrol is going to be expensive so it needs thinking out lots.

pimp

Fri, 06 May 2005 23:16:27 GMT

I have a new friend. He is a media arts student, he lives with lots of photographers. I told him of www.photocritic.org and www.rockprints.co.uk He's seriously considering signing up to have his work sold to make extra cash. He is going to mention it to his housemates too. In return I get taught how to surf. I love helping friends. More photographers on the books more work the more money haje makes and so on nad so on.

I'm seepy g'night

hehehe

Fri, 06 May 2005 15:52:10 GMT

Now all I need to do is get Naomi here. The same time Porky is. Then when I ahve them both here, lock them in the monster cupboard. Shit, they read this!

SO

Thu, 05 May 2005 21:32:02 GMT

Both Andy and I voted. We decided yellow birds are pretty.

I'm sad and watching the bbc count.

Note to self always check profile

Thu, 05 May 2005 09:21:48 GMT

yoooooooooooo!!
yes/
wots with tha attitude
no attitude
what isit you want
ur fanny
*SIGH*
*SIGH*
its not very original nor will it ever happen
i was havin u on ya fuckin spaz
well thats nice
would'nt touch ya wiv a 10ft poll wiv shit on tha end
so why im me?
kk
well? if you're not going to touch me with a 10ft poll with shit on the end, why IM me?
i dunno
fucking children. come back when you grow up and learn to spell

BLOCKED

I would delete my account but I have a couple of people i enjoy talking to. New rule check profile before responding

I want

Tue, 03 May 2005 21:51:14 GMT

to meet porky. He should come to manchester. We have wierdness. My other option is to stalk him, done that before..

Friends Only

Tue, 03 May 2005 10:11:58 GMT

Most of my entries seemed to have gone down the friends only path. Predominently because I prefer to keep some things to my friends. I don;t want to go completely friends only. Its no fun.

Trees

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 20:53:22 GMT

This is how stressed I have been over the last week or so.

Today was the first time I noticed the leaves on the trees and that my hay fever was returning and the slowly increasing number of bees. Andy tells me the tree accross from outr home has had leaves on it since last week. This is a tree I can see from the living room window. It kind of makes me sad that I didn't notice this until today.

If I think about it on tuedays when I got the bus home the cherry blossoms were falling in a wonderful swirling haze of pink like they do in a strong gust of wind and it in no way moved me like it would normally. Cherry blossoms to me as a sign summers coming and the sign of the ground being coated in pink always excites me. Just as the autumn leaves falling and turning the ground brown and burnt orange does. I feel sad that I'm so self obsorbed right now that I'm not even noticing those things that move me and make me happy.

From now on I plan to take more notice of the things around me.

The cats have attacted my peas. the only option now is clingfilm around the canes. I hate other peoples cats.

Oh the canal has still not returned. Sarah and Chris told us the river that folows the same path washed away the embankment between the canal and river. They know this as Chris's mothers friend awoke one morning to find her kitchen flooded with canal water.

Covering Letters

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 22:15:42 GMT

They be a pain in the bum. However I'm enjoying writing them. I have decided to not do the whole cheers for reading this here is my "personality for your to think 'yawn' of". Instead I'm just going with quirky and odd. Hopefully this means I shall end up with a job as they will want to meet the silly lady who says, "cocktails are where its at baby!!"

Tomorrow is a trip over the pass to Chesterfield. Football. Last away game. Its a big thing too, something about staying up......

I wish I was at C7 now staying in some dodgy Travelodge getting all comic booked up. I will just make fudge. Special fudge.

So

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 18:32:41 GMT

I have taken to applying for jobs via the internet. I am limiting myself to trendy wine bars. I have a plan. Its a clever plan, one which is going to assist me in the future.

Job Centre

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 16:47:40 GMT

You go in. You look through lists of jobs on little screen things in a building with no air conditioning. Then you print off the ones you like. Then you go ask about them at the desk to be pointed to a manky phone. I left it and came home and phoned up. only one of the six which is worth it. Even at minimum wage.

God I hate job hunting.

Burn Baby Burn

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 12:54:49 GMT

So I have been playing with poi on and off for 18 months. I now want to take it more seriously. I want to do fire poi. I also want to learn to do staff work. My down fall is the weave in poi. I just don;t get it. I don't get how you make it work. It is the thing that makes me give up for weeks, even though i can do alot of backwards stuff.

I started up again today because I feel realy stressed. I feel better now. I'm never able to meditate but with poi i can clear everything out of my head and feel at peace even when i'm sweating like mad and my arms are burning. If I can get that weave then I will be happy.

New target is to practice daily until I crack it. Now I have found my poi.

Reward will be nice new poi.

Mohair tonight. Yey!!

fudge

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 12:02:20 GMT

I shall be making some fudge. But only one flavour. If you want in say here.

Flavours:
Chocolate
Rum n Raisin
Vanilla
Baileys and chocolate
Choc n Nut

If I have your address then say now. Oh if you have a nut allergy then there will be NO nut fudge.

Scrubs

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 10:20:08 GMT

with Dick Van Dyke!! So good.

He's American you know?

sad but true

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:02:00 GMT

yesterday i cried at the hairdressers. i fear my fear of hairdressers may of returned. I'm writing to Sean tomorrow to explain.

I'm in no way stressed right now....

I migh explain more later

Vrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm Tissssssssss

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 20:43:59 GMT

tomorrow dave gets a new car. Tomorrow I get my new hair colour addition. Going to say how I'm not happy how its so dull after a couple of washes.

I made cakes. They rock. Mmmmmmmmmmm sweet and sugary. God I need to bake more. My strength seems to be cookery. If only I realised this five years ago.

I have BBC3 on and I know I splurge sometimes but I'm not so bad I think £120 on jeans is allowable.

Heard from Ryan which rocks. He's on nights which will make for a fabby phone call in three days when insomnia kicks in.

Stop giving me evils

Mon, 25 Apr 2005 18:49:58 GMT

I'm going to see Chris. maybe... Possibly

I made it to my lecture.

PRESS GANG

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 20:44:48 GMT

I'm remember it now!!! it rocked

Big

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 20:40:41 GMT

I need a copy of Tom Hank's Big. Now I do not want to buy it but shall have to, even though it was free in the sunday paper at some point. £7 isn't bad but hey it'll be cool. I can get my essay done once I have refreshed my memory and can remember more then "shimmy shimmy gogo pops. shimmy shimmy RAAAAAAAAAA" Oh I miss Alison...